canadian
Chief Minister (5k+ posts)
What a girl wants!... There was a time when girls would worry about suitable marriage proposals, however times have changed and now its the guys who are in the same position... By Lubna Khalid Gone is the era of docile girls. This is the modern age where city girls are all set to assert their independence. They want the right to choose their life partners, and the sort of life they wish to lead after getting married.
Not so long ago, it used to be only the moms of girls worrying about finding a suitable rishta for their daughters. Enter 21 Century and the equation undergoes a change. Nowadays, its the mothers of boys heard lamenting that finding a good girl is a job that is almost Herculean in proportions
Mrs Nasir is a proud mom of two eligible bachelors, or so she thought before embarking on Mission Impossible 4 - the search for a beautiful, docile eastern wife from a good family. 36 outright rejections and 11 may bees later, she is pardonably bewildered. I have been looking for a suitable girl for my son for two years now, but it is so difficult to find good girls nowadays. And, when you do come across them, they have such attitude! Their families want too many details, and the girls themselves are so demanding. One rejected my son because her degree is higher than his, and then there was one who did not like his looks!
She is not alone in her quandary. Mrs Shah, whose brilliant son is an MD, in USA with a salary package of a little over 12000 dollar, is facing a similar problem. Sharjeel is now 32, and for the past three years I have been asking everyone I know to get me in touch with a girl who fits the stipulations my son has made. My son wants a tall and skinny girl who is pretty, and must be in her early twenties, but at the same time she should be intelligent as well. Moreover, she should be eastern enough not to bother him with household chores. When I found such a girl, she had her own set of demands! She wanted to marry a guy as good looking as Owen Wilson, and does not live with his parents. Plus, she insists that he keeps her in the style she is accustomed to. Now, my son is reasonably good looking, but...
Shirin, a young doctor, is an attractive 26-year-old girl, who is still single. When asked about her views on marriage, she disclosed that she was in no hurry! You see, I have invested many years in becoming a doctor. First, I want to clear my FCPS, and then I would think about it.
But wouldnt she be too old by the time its done? Of course, not! I think I will get married at 30, and start my family immediately, but only if I find someone I like. I am not going to get married just for the sake of it!
Different girls seek different qualities in their prospective grooms. Ghalia is a working woman. She is 24 years of age, and has a good personality over all. At present, she is thinking about getting married. Asked what sort of a guy she wants, she had this to say: Well, he should be articulate, have a good personality and his English must be good. I had a proposal once where the guy, although he was a Vice President in a bank, could not speak English, so I turned him down. Then there was another guy who seemed okay, but when I talked with him, I found his notions old fashioned. He expects his wife to look after his parents and live in a joint family! Now, I am not anyones servant and I want a house of my own when I get married. I am earning Rs70000 per month. Why should I subject myself to slavery?
With their newfound financial independence, girls have finally started asserting themselves. They feel that since they are able to earn their living, they no longer need to play second fiddle to their husbands and should have the right to reject proposals they dont like.
Insiya is not very pretty, but has American citizenship. She recently came to Pakistan to attend a family wedding. She recalled that when it was time for her to get married, she did not submit to the chai pai bullaya hai culture. She selected a handsome, educated guy, and made it clear to him that she would have nothing to do with his backward family. This was 11 years ago, and we are very happy together. My husbands mother tried to show us attitude at that time because she thought she had the edge as the mother of the groom, and everyone in our family should kowtow to her. Nothing doing, I told Ahmed. If she wants the sort of a girl and family she can dominate, she should propose to someone, well, from a different class.
Insiya thinks she was well within her rights to dictate her terms. Its quite simple, you see. I had something all my suitors wanted, so I could also afford to pick and choose. When you go shopping with your pockets lined with dough, you can buy whatever you want. If you are short of cash, you shop accordingly. Marriage is like that too. If a guy is well settled, he can marry a beautiful girl even if he is not good looking himself, because parents see what he can provide to their daughter. Why cant a girl do the same if she has the bargaining chips stacked on her side?
Sana is a modern, good looking 40-year-old girl. She earns a handsome living and is still single. I want to marry a guy who does not live with his family. He must be rich, good looking and well established. I will marry only if I find such a man; otherwise, why should I settle for less? I am not a burden on anyone! she says arrogantly!
This phenomenon, of girls calling the shots, is not limited to traditional Muslim families. People of other faiths in Pakistan face the same problem.
My Sonia has done MBA, and is doing extremely well. The problem is that its difficult to find highly educated boys in my community, whereas girls are very education and career oriented. Then they want husbands who are as well educated as they are if not more. Sonia is 35, but is unwilling to make any compromises. I am so worried about her because a girl needs a husband, especially as she grows old. Who will look after her in her old age when she wont be able to work anymore? asks Mrs Jacob forlornly.
Mrs Asif complains that girls are so demanding that even before they are married, they make their in-laws feel the pressure. My sons fiance used to tell me what she expected us to do, once she is married. She is a working girl, so we were not expecting her to be timid but she is so dominating that she kept us out of all wedding preparations. We did not even get to make a shadi ka jora! She asked us our budget, and got it herself. Personally, I feel it is my sons fault. He lets her have his way, and she of course is not bothered about what we think!
Why have girls and their families become suddenly so demanding? The simple answer is that financial independence has given them a lot of confidence and self-assurance. With the way things are, more and more boys are opting for working women as their wives, as it is no longer possible to make ends meet comfortably on one salary. But a working girl is no longer meek; she knows her rights and in return for her contribution to the household budget, she ends up encroaching on powers that used to be solely a mans prerogative. More power to you girls, as long as you know that with power, or rights, comes responsibility, too!(http://e.thenews.com.pk/newsmag/mag/detail_article.asp?id=1329&magId=1)
Not so long ago, it used to be only the moms of girls worrying about finding a suitable rishta for their daughters. Enter 21 Century and the equation undergoes a change. Nowadays, its the mothers of boys heard lamenting that finding a good girl is a job that is almost Herculean in proportions
Mrs Nasir is a proud mom of two eligible bachelors, or so she thought before embarking on Mission Impossible 4 - the search for a beautiful, docile eastern wife from a good family. 36 outright rejections and 11 may bees later, she is pardonably bewildered. I have been looking for a suitable girl for my son for two years now, but it is so difficult to find good girls nowadays. And, when you do come across them, they have such attitude! Their families want too many details, and the girls themselves are so demanding. One rejected my son because her degree is higher than his, and then there was one who did not like his looks!
She is not alone in her quandary. Mrs Shah, whose brilliant son is an MD, in USA with a salary package of a little over 12000 dollar, is facing a similar problem. Sharjeel is now 32, and for the past three years I have been asking everyone I know to get me in touch with a girl who fits the stipulations my son has made. My son wants a tall and skinny girl who is pretty, and must be in her early twenties, but at the same time she should be intelligent as well. Moreover, she should be eastern enough not to bother him with household chores. When I found such a girl, she had her own set of demands! She wanted to marry a guy as good looking as Owen Wilson, and does not live with his parents. Plus, she insists that he keeps her in the style she is accustomed to. Now, my son is reasonably good looking, but...
Shirin, a young doctor, is an attractive 26-year-old girl, who is still single. When asked about her views on marriage, she disclosed that she was in no hurry! You see, I have invested many years in becoming a doctor. First, I want to clear my FCPS, and then I would think about it.
But wouldnt she be too old by the time its done? Of course, not! I think I will get married at 30, and start my family immediately, but only if I find someone I like. I am not going to get married just for the sake of it!
Different girls seek different qualities in their prospective grooms. Ghalia is a working woman. She is 24 years of age, and has a good personality over all. At present, she is thinking about getting married. Asked what sort of a guy she wants, she had this to say: Well, he should be articulate, have a good personality and his English must be good. I had a proposal once where the guy, although he was a Vice President in a bank, could not speak English, so I turned him down. Then there was another guy who seemed okay, but when I talked with him, I found his notions old fashioned. He expects his wife to look after his parents and live in a joint family! Now, I am not anyones servant and I want a house of my own when I get married. I am earning Rs70000 per month. Why should I subject myself to slavery?
With their newfound financial independence, girls have finally started asserting themselves. They feel that since they are able to earn their living, they no longer need to play second fiddle to their husbands and should have the right to reject proposals they dont like.
Insiya is not very pretty, but has American citizenship. She recently came to Pakistan to attend a family wedding. She recalled that when it was time for her to get married, she did not submit to the chai pai bullaya hai culture. She selected a handsome, educated guy, and made it clear to him that she would have nothing to do with his backward family. This was 11 years ago, and we are very happy together. My husbands mother tried to show us attitude at that time because she thought she had the edge as the mother of the groom, and everyone in our family should kowtow to her. Nothing doing, I told Ahmed. If she wants the sort of a girl and family she can dominate, she should propose to someone, well, from a different class.
Insiya thinks she was well within her rights to dictate her terms. Its quite simple, you see. I had something all my suitors wanted, so I could also afford to pick and choose. When you go shopping with your pockets lined with dough, you can buy whatever you want. If you are short of cash, you shop accordingly. Marriage is like that too. If a guy is well settled, he can marry a beautiful girl even if he is not good looking himself, because parents see what he can provide to their daughter. Why cant a girl do the same if she has the bargaining chips stacked on her side?
Sana is a modern, good looking 40-year-old girl. She earns a handsome living and is still single. I want to marry a guy who does not live with his family. He must be rich, good looking and well established. I will marry only if I find such a man; otherwise, why should I settle for less? I am not a burden on anyone! she says arrogantly!
This phenomenon, of girls calling the shots, is not limited to traditional Muslim families. People of other faiths in Pakistan face the same problem.
My Sonia has done MBA, and is doing extremely well. The problem is that its difficult to find highly educated boys in my community, whereas girls are very education and career oriented. Then they want husbands who are as well educated as they are if not more. Sonia is 35, but is unwilling to make any compromises. I am so worried about her because a girl needs a husband, especially as she grows old. Who will look after her in her old age when she wont be able to work anymore? asks Mrs Jacob forlornly.
Mrs Asif complains that girls are so demanding that even before they are married, they make their in-laws feel the pressure. My sons fiance used to tell me what she expected us to do, once she is married. She is a working girl, so we were not expecting her to be timid but she is so dominating that she kept us out of all wedding preparations. We did not even get to make a shadi ka jora! She asked us our budget, and got it herself. Personally, I feel it is my sons fault. He lets her have his way, and she of course is not bothered about what we think!
Why have girls and their families become suddenly so demanding? The simple answer is that financial independence has given them a lot of confidence and self-assurance. With the way things are, more and more boys are opting for working women as their wives, as it is no longer possible to make ends meet comfortably on one salary. But a working girl is no longer meek; she knows her rights and in return for her contribution to the household budget, she ends up encroaching on powers that used to be solely a mans prerogative. More power to you girls, as long as you know that with power, or rights, comes responsibility, too!(http://e.thenews.com.pk/newsmag/mag/detail_article.asp?id=1329&magId=1)
