Where have all the good men gone?

canadian

Chief Minister (5k+ posts)
Where have all the good men gone?

June 8, 2011 Lubna Khan

Pakistani women are so obsessed with Pakistani men, marriage, mating and all things marital.
Can you blame us? With a huge plethora of Adonis look-alikes bustling in every nook and cranny of this purest of pure land of ours, how can we, the weak women, keep a tab on our feelings?
Every man in this country is so refined, so gentle, so well read, high in character, solid in convictions, true to himself a hero personified.
A Pakistani man is unique in body, mind and spirit put on this land for the pure pleasure and delight of Pakistani women an ungrateful being who is forever thankless to God, who in her sheer ignorance and lack of knowledge fails to see the apparent goodness in the men of this country.
With such blessed potential males in sight, what does the poor Pakistani woman do?
They get all panicky about snagging the next guy, hence the preoccupation with marriage and all things marital.
The intrinsic goodness of the man draws forth the survival instincts of the Pakistani woman; she has to capture him and make sure that the Pakistani race is preserved in all its goodness.
So to the perfect men of this world: dont blame us if we cannot control ourselves and give in to your charisma and magic, and want to marry you, even if you are already married to another perfect creature of your clan and have a large number of offspring with her. We just cannot control ourselves.
Seriously though
Where are they?
Good looking men may not exist in Pakistan but how about intelligent, manly, chivalrous, generous, polite men?
Where have they all gone? (gone obviously implies that they did once roam these not so green pastures, and I dont really know why I feel that there once did exist such a species which has hitherto ceased to exist.)
Everywhere I venture, I see bloated, used-up, paunchy, balding, sweaty, uncouth, dishevelled, unattractive men.
The men around this city, country, I should add, are just not pleasant to look at.
I see men behind wheels, driving around, balding, not ageing gracefully, swollen puffy-eyed toads instead of men.
In offices: there sits behind desks an uncomfortable-with-myself sort of person, inevitably not-too-happy-with-wife written all over his face, sitting endlessly on their behinds waiting for Ms Luck to come knocking on their door in the form of a lovely sexy woman!
In public places: there are two kinds of men, hen-pecked idiots who are carrying the shopping bags of their hefty wives in tow and stealing glances at other women. And, straight up lecherous ones who have nothing better to do than stare at women.
Both kinds are obnoxious to the hilt for obvious reasons.
Then, you have the uber rich, trendy guys, the hip and in ones, they spend half the time in salons plucking their eyebrows, and the other half looking at themselves in the mirror. They are the heavy drinking, mad party kind, who want a bottle and some coke every night and hello thats unacceptable.
We also have the ubiquitous available man, who is such a bore (explaining why he is available) that you would be far more entertained by a monkey at the beach than his laborious talk.
So, the circle complete, I am where I started from, that is wondering where all the good men have gone.
I want a man who is clean, and clean cut and most importantly a man with style, a man who can carry a conversation, a man who makes you laugh and not by cracking lewd jokes, a man who knows stuff, stuff about the universe, about the earth, the world, history, literature and art. A man who has travelled and can talk beyond tales of the women he had on these travels. A man with manly qualities such as reliability, strength, caring for those who are weaker than him, a man of honour!
Where is such a man to be found?(http://blogs.tribune.com.pk/author/563/lubna-khan/)
 

canadian

Chief Minister (5k+ posts)
Living by the (in)laws

Ayesha Fazlur Rahman June 7, 2011

While the dinosaur mean mothers-in-law (MIL) and small-hearted daughters-in-law (DIL) still exist, they are on a fast road to extinction. Look around if you don’t believe me. Saas-bahu alliances are everywhere.
They go shopping together, raise the new generation together, happily dividing work, giving and seeking advice and, most importantly, wishing each other well.
Scope for horror
In-law relations are laden with opportunities to create trouble. Watch any soap opera: one can eavesdrop, make hurtful comments, tell tales and just generally be committed to the (ig)noble objective of marring a marriage for the sheer joy of it.
People (yes both men and women) enjoy these dramas, but they know better than to let this toxin seep into their real lives. They won’t have any of it in real life, they immediately wall it out of their little paradise. The family troublemakers now wilt like cockroaches in a Mortein commercial!
Sacred space
The DIL now gets her own physical space, her own niche that she can dress and design as she wishes. It can be an annex, or the upstairs portion of the house, or just one part of the portion. The size of the space is not the point, the amount of autonomy the DIL has over it is what matters.
Secret space
Like soap operas, there are secrets too. Except these secrets help in emotional healing and well-being; these are secrets that the bahu and the nund share when they vent about something, seek emotional support or just talk about a bad day at work or an argument in the family. These are also bits of gossip that only the saas and bahu are interested in so they keep it to themselves and not share them with the rest of the household. Then of course there are those things that everyone has been told and sworn to secrecy, so nobody lets on that they too know it.
Shared space
No group can have cohesion without a shared space. Today’s good bahu no longer stays closeted in her room, feigning a headache with a dupatta tied around her head. She enjoys her own time and shared family-time, exchanging a joke with the brother-in-law, discussing politics with the father-in-law, watching TV in the family lounge.
She keeps her child’s favourite toys in the family lounge so that becomes the little imp’s pet play area; she shares him and offers co-ownership to any and all willing uncles, aunts and grandparents. Success is a joint effort and a joint family becomes successful by a judicious mix of shared and sacred spaces.
If the serpent of discontent or misunderstanding raises his head in this paradise, there is only one way to beat him: communication. That is how families strengthen their bonds. Not by denying that the serpent is there, but by talking about it, by negotiating, by giving some and taking some.
Partners in crime
Unaiza’s husband was transferred to Karachi, where her mother lives. Previously they were in Lahore, where his family lives. You’d think the girl would be ecstatic to get out of the MIL’s clutches and move closer to mummy dear.
No sir. She shed many a tear over this sad turn of events. Apparently the MIL was more interested in shopping, while the girl’s mother was rather dull. Now that the happy duo of MIL and DIL would be in two different provinces, the mirthful excursions too would come to a sad halt. (Names changed to avoid hurting the poor mother!)
Building alliances
These alliances go a long way. When Samya’s husband separated from her and took a second wife, her parents-in-law stood by her. They told her to continue to stay in the house and threatened to kick out and disown the erring son. Of course that didn’t turn the tide in her favour but the support helped her cope better.
In less extreme cases, it is not uncommon for mothers to coax their sons into being nicer and more accommodating of their wives’ wishes. Alternatively, the in-laws do things to make up for the fact that the girl’s husband is busy at work.
Better than blood-ties
Fatima lived with her in-laws for six years before her husband’s transfer took her back to her hometown, Lahore. The parting turned out to be very temporary as the very next weekend the MIL followed them to Lahore for a short visit, where she was happily hosted by DIL and her mother. Everybody had fun, especially Fatima and Salman’s two-year-old son Mustafa.
It is only through healthy in-law relations that blood-bonds can blossom, such as the ones between Mustafa and his grandmother, and between Salman and his mother. It all hinges on the trust and generosity that MIL and DIL can show to each other.
Little Musafa smiles as his mother and his dadi know better: they happily chat together with their backs to the sun as he plays in the little spot of shade they create for him and for the future of the family.
The author is a Fulbright Fellow (Harvard University), working as an Education Consultant ([email protected])
Published in The Express Tribune, June 6th, 2011.
 

sahiL

Senator (1k+ posts)
where have all the good women gone?....what happened to them....pakistani men were so obbsessed with them.....
what happened to their haya?....why don,t they cover their heads now?........why they cut their hair short?.....why they dye their hair?.......
why don,t they teach their kids about Islam in early age.....and help their kids remember all the movies n dramaz names?
why don't they look down now when a man stares at them?......why their shalwar n kameez is tightening up every other day?
why do they wear bindya?....why they compare themselves with western ladyz now?.....why why
i mean why................
there is always a mirror to tell you the real story miss Lubna i guess was the name of writer
 

haqiqat

MPA (400+ posts)
Pakistan Army, ISI, Rangers, AirForce, Navy and Police KILLED KILLED them

Pakistni FORCES like to KILLED all good MEN or ALL Good People,

if they kill a zardari like that poor man, I am sure half of the pakistan will distribute SWEEETS, but they like to KILL NICE MEN

r u and your MQM are mukhti bani ?
 

Bombaybuz

Minister (2k+ posts)
just at 36 and being away from pak for more then 15 years out of that... even I at times feel how to relate myself with these current teenagers and even youngster ... when few of them are my close relatives while observing them quite closely i think..... something is not so pakistani with them... they are hardly any diff from any teenager in the west in views, activities, dressing and even in behavior... so its nothing un usual if women feel they dont have men of their liking...
 

canadian

Chief Minister (5k+ posts)
Pakistan Army, ISI, Rangers, AirForce, Navy and Police KILLED KILLED them

Pakistni FORCES like to KILLED all good MEN or ALL Good People,

if they kill a zardari like that poor man, I am sure half of the pakistan will distribute SWEEETS, but they like to KILL NICE MEN

Bro,
These type of stories are just a satire to keep everybody laughing in these difficuilt circumstances.Please take them in that stride.
 

islamabadi

Minister (2k+ posts)
Pakistan Army, ISI, Rangers, AirForce, Navy and Police KILLED KILLED them

Pakistni FORCES like to KILLED all good MEN or ALL Good People,

if they kill a zardari like that poor man, I am sure half of the pakistan will distribute SWEEETS, but they like to KILL NICE MEN

Pehley Pakistani likhna to seekh Canadian