Funny And Interesting Video Clips Thread + Jokes and Funny SMS
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gazoomartian
Prime Minister (20k+ posts)
This just in from a friend. Some are downright hilarious [hilar][hilar][hilar]
Man: Is there any way for longlife?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of longlife will never come.
------------ --------- ---
Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!
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Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
------------ --------- ---
It's funny when people discussLove Marriage vs Arranged.
It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.
------------ --------- ---
It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as women and then he turns them into Wives.
------------ --------- --!
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say.
After marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish.
------------ --------- ---
There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.
------------ --------- ---
Girlfriends are like chocolates, taste good anytime.
Lovers are like PIZZAS, Hot n spicy, eaten frequently.
Husbands are like Dal RICE, eaten when there's no choice.
------------ --------- ---
Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated?
Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.
------------ --------- ---
Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women'?
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.
------------ --------- ---
There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he would go through hell for her. They got married and now he is going thru hell.
------------ --------- ---
Fact of life: One woman bringsyou into this world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so for the rest of your life!
Man: Is there any way for longlife?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of longlife will never come.
------------ --------- ---
Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!
------------ --------- ---
Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
------------ --------- ---
It's funny when people discussLove Marriage vs Arranged.
It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.
------------ --------- ---
It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as women and then he turns them into Wives.
------------ --------- --!
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say.
After marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish.
------------ --------- ---
There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.
------------ --------- ---
Girlfriends are like chocolates, taste good anytime.
Lovers are like PIZZAS, Hot n spicy, eaten frequently.
Husbands are like Dal RICE, eaten when there's no choice.
------------ --------- ---
Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated?
Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.
------------ --------- ---
Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women'?
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.
------------ --------- ---
There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he would go through hell for her. They got married and now he is going thru hell.
------------ --------- ---
Fact of life: One woman bringsyou into this world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so for the rest of your life!
gazoomartian
Prime Minister (20k+ posts)
Pakistani way of doing Business - Just in email
(Hopefully this has not entered already )
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in
D.C. One from Bangladesh , another from China and the third, from Pakistan.
They go with a White House office to examine the fence.
The Bangladesh contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring,
then works some figures with a pencil. "Well", he says, "I figure the job will run about $900. ($400 for materials, $400 for my team and $100 profit for me)".
The Chinese contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700. ($300 for materials, $300 for my team and $100 profit for me)".
The Pakistani contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700."
The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"
The Pakistani contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we
hire the guy from China to fix the fence."
"Done!" replies the government official. [hilar][hilar][hilar]
(Hopefully this has not entered already )
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in
D.C. One from Bangladesh , another from China and the third, from Pakistan.
They go with a White House office to examine the fence.
The Bangladesh contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring,
then works some figures with a pencil. "Well", he says, "I figure the job will run about $900. ($400 for materials, $400 for my team and $100 profit for me)".
The Chinese contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700. ($300 for materials, $300 for my team and $100 profit for me)".
The Pakistani contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700."
The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"
The Pakistani contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we
hire the guy from China to fix the fence."
"Done!" replies the government official. [hilar][hilar][hilar]
rajakhanmd
Senator (1k+ posts)
Nice one @ Gazoo
gazoomartian
Prime Minister (20k+ posts)
This just in from a Paki buddy of mine. get ready to hit the floor laughing [hilar]
This is real good one... Thought of sharing with you guys...
There is this good old barber in a city in the US. One day a florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: 'i am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service..'
the florist is happy and leaves the shop.
Next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.
A policeman goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber after the cut. But the barber replies: 'i am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service.
The cop is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting at his door.
An indian software engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber after the cut. But the barber replies: 'i am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service. '
The indian software engineer is happy and leaves.
The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop,
guess what he finds there...?
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can you guess?
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try to guessssssssssssssss .
?
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?
Come on, think like an indian...... ......... ..
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a dozen indians waiting for a haircut ! [hilar][hilar][hilar]
This is real good one... Thought of sharing with you guys...
There is this good old barber in a city in the US. One day a florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: 'i am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service..'
the florist is happy and leaves the shop.
Next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.
A policeman goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber after the cut. But the barber replies: 'i am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service.
The cop is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting at his door.
An indian software engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber after the cut. But the barber replies: 'i am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service. '
The indian software engineer is happy and leaves.
The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop,
guess what he finds there...?
-
-
-
-
can you guess?
-
-
-
-
-
try to guessssssssssssssss .
?
?
?
Come on, think like an indian...... ......... ..
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a dozen indians waiting for a haircut ! [hilar][hilar][hilar]
bons
Minister (2k+ posts)
That's whey you don't see them here nowadays. They are waiting for their turn.
M
Murshad Jee
Guest
ایک سردار (سکھ) الیکٹرونکس کی شاپ میں جاتا ہے اور کاؤنٹر پر پڑے ایک باکس کی طرف اشارہ کر کے سیلز مین سے پوچھتا ہے کہ یہ ٹی وی کتنے کا ہے؟
سیلز مین غور سے اس کی طرف دیکھتا ہے اور جواب دیتا ہے کہ ہم سرداروں کو ٹی وی نہیں بیچتے اور سردار جی مہربانی فرما کر یہاں سے چلے جائیے
سردار کچھ شرمندہ ہوتا ہے اور پھر چپ چاپ بغیر کچھ کہے چلا جاتا ہے - باہر جا کر سردار سوچتا ہے کہ یار پتہ نہیں یہ دوکاندار سرداروں کو ٹی وی کیوں نہیں بچتا ؟ اگلے دن سردار اپنا حلیہ بدل کر اسی دوکان پر جاتا ہے اور پھر اسی باکس کی طرف اشارہ کر کہ پوچھتا ہے کہ یہ ٹی وی کتنے کا ہے؟ سیلز مین اس کی طرف متوجہ ہو کر کہتا ہے کہ تم پھر آ گئے ، میں نے تمھیں کل کہا تھا کہ ہم سرداروں کو ٹی وی نہیں بیچتے - بیچارہ سردار پھر دوکان سے نکل جاتا ہے - باہر جا کر سردار سوچتا ہے کہ جو بھی ہو میں نے یہ ٹی وی اب اس دوکان سے خریدنا ہی ہے
اگلے دن سردار اپنی داڑھی مونچھیں صاف یعنی شیو کرتا ہے اور اپنی پگڑی بھی اتار دیتا ہے اور پھر اسی دوکان پر جا کر اسی سیلز مین سے اسی باکس کی طرف اشارہ کر کہ وہی سوال پوچھتا ہے کہ یہ ٹی وی کتنے کا ہے؟ سیلز مین اس کی طرف دیکھ کر فورا ہی کہتا ہے کہ یار تم بار بار حلیے بدل کر کیوں آتے ہو جبکہ میں نے تمھیں کتنی دفع کہا ہے کہ ہم سرداروں کو ٹی وی نہیں بیچتے
سردار اس کی طرف حیران کن نظروں سے دیکھتا ہے اور کہتا ہے کہ
تم نے اگر مجھے ٹی وی نہیں بچنا تو نہ صحیح لیکن صرف اتنی سی بات بتا دو کے تمھیں یہ کس طرح پتا چل جاتا ہے کہ میں سردار ہوں حالانکہ میں مختلف روپ دھار کر تمہارے پاس آیا لیکن تم نے مجھے پہلی نظر میں ہی پہچان لیا - اس کا کیا راز ہے ؟
سیلز میں بولا کہ مجھے یوں پتا چلتا ہے کہ تم سکھ ہو کہ جس باکس کو تم ٹی وی کہتے ہو وہ حقیقت میں مائیکرو ویو اون ہے ٹی وی نہیں
gazoomartian
Prime Minister (20k+ posts)
(clap)[hilar][hilar][hilar]
Tilloo
MPA (400+ posts)
Little Boy's Letter to God
A little boy wanted Rs.50 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened.
Finally he decided to write God a letter requesting the Rs.50.
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, INDIA, they decided to forward
It to the President of the India as a joke.
The President was so amused, that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy Rs.20.
The President thought this would appear to be a lot of money (Rs.50) to a little boy,
And he did not want to spoil the kid.
The little boy was delighted with Rs...20, and decided to write a thank you note to God,
Which read:
"Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money.
However, I noticed that you sent it through the Rashtrapati Bhavan(President House) in New Delhi, and those donkeys deducted Rs.30 as tax ....... "
[hilar][hilar][hilar][hilar]
A little boy wanted Rs.50 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened.
Finally he decided to write God a letter requesting the Rs.50.
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, INDIA, they decided to forward
It to the President of the India as a joke.
The President was so amused, that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy Rs.20.
The President thought this would appear to be a lot of money (Rs.50) to a little boy,
And he did not want to spoil the kid.
The little boy was delighted with Rs...20, and decided to write a thank you note to God,
Which read:
"Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money.
However, I noticed that you sent it through the Rashtrapati Bhavan(President House) in New Delhi, and those donkeys deducted Rs.30 as tax ....... "
[hilar][hilar][hilar][hilar]
greywolf
Councller (250+ posts)
yet another one ... and it might be as good as the ones above :
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
A British Diplomat paid a courtesy visit to Lalloojee. During a party, he thought of entertaining Lalloojee with the following magic of numbers.
He said, Your excellency, Look at the value of the alphabet:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26
Now, look at this Sir, if we calculate together it will be:
H A R D W O R K
8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98 % Only
K N O W L E D G E
11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96 % Only
L O B B Y I N G
12 15 2 2 25 9 14 7 = 86 % Only
L U C K
12 21 3 11 = 47 % Only
Sir, you should look at the final one, which is most important.
A T T I T U D E
1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100 %
Sir, do you find it useful? This magic can work on your people to improve themselves, increase productivity, and make your country prosperous. Sir, I can arrange to send our experts to coach your people. We can do it in less than a year
Lalloojee thought for a while; and said, I have better formula. See this
C O R R U P T I O N
3 15 18 21 16 9 15 14 = 111 %
Do you want me to come and teach your people? I can do it in less than one week.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
A British Diplomat paid a courtesy visit to Lalloojee. During a party, he thought of entertaining Lalloojee with the following magic of numbers.
He said, Your excellency, Look at the value of the alphabet:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26
Now, look at this Sir, if we calculate together it will be:
H A R D W O R K
8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98 % Only
K N O W L E D G E
11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96 % Only
L O B B Y I N G
12 15 2 2 25 9 14 7 = 86 % Only
L U C K
12 21 3 11 = 47 % Only
Sir, you should look at the final one, which is most important.
A T T I T U D E
1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100 %
Sir, do you find it useful? This magic can work on your people to improve themselves, increase productivity, and make your country prosperous. Sir, I can arrange to send our experts to coach your people. We can do it in less than a year
Lalloojee thought for a while; and said, I have better formula. See this
C O R R U P T I O N
3 15 18 21 16 9 15 14 = 111 %
Do you want me to come and teach your people? I can do it in less than one week.
adnan78692
MPA (400+ posts)
A Must Watch Little Babies Dance Animation... Really Funny
Noor-e-Qalb
MPA (400+ posts)
veryyy funny. ..
biomat
Minister (2k+ posts)
Missing Husband
http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/SilentFun/
A woman went to police station to file a report for her missing husband:
Woman: I lost my husband
Inspector: What is his height
Woman: I never noticed
Inspector: Slim or healthy
Woman Not slim can be healthy
Inspector: Color of eyes
Woman: Never noticed
Inspector: Color of hair
Woman: Should be black
Inspector: What was he wearing
Woman: I don't remember exactly
Inspector: Was somebody with him ?????????
Woman: Yes my Labrador dog (Romeo), tied with a golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy, blue eyes, blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail is slightly broken, he never barks, wearing a golden belt studded with blue balls, he likes non veg food, we eat together, we jog together.
The woman started crying
Inspector: Let's search for the dog first!!!!!!! !!!!!!
[hilar]:lol:
A woman went to police station to file a report for her missing husband:
Woman: I lost my husband
Inspector: What is his height
Woman: I never noticed
Inspector: Slim or healthy
Woman Not slim can be healthy
Inspector: Color of eyes
Woman: Never noticed
Inspector: Color of hair
Woman: Should be black
Inspector: What was he wearing
Woman: I don't remember exactly
Inspector: Was somebody with him ?????????
Woman: Yes my Labrador dog (Romeo), tied with a golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy, blue eyes, blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail is slightly broken, he never barks, wearing a golden belt studded with blue balls, he likes non veg food, we eat together, we jog together.
The woman started crying
Inspector: Let's search for the dog first!!!!!!! !!!!!!
[hilar]:lol:
Rana Tahir Mahmood
Senator (1k+ posts)
Nice joke.
nightshadow001
Politcal Worker (100+ posts)
Platform
Platform (Reporter to Pathaan)
Reporter: Yeh itnay loog kaisay marr gay?
Pathaan: Speker main announcement hoi thi kay train platform pay aa rahi hai, tu sab loog patri pay chalay gay.
Reporter: Tu aap kaisay buch gay?
Pathaan: Main Khudkushi karnay kay liey patri pay laita howa tha, tu main platform pay aa kay late gaya.
[hilar][hilar]:lol::lol:
Platform (Reporter to Pathaan)
Reporter: Yeh itnay loog kaisay marr gay?
Pathaan: Speker main announcement hoi thi kay train platform pay aa rahi hai, tu sab loog patri pay chalay gay.
Reporter: Tu aap kaisay buch gay?
Pathaan: Main Khudkushi karnay kay liey patri pay laita howa tha, tu main platform pay aa kay late gaya.
[hilar][hilar]:lol::lol:
omerkashmiri
Siasat.pk - Blogger
Really funny
Muhammad Tauseef A. Bajwa
Senator (1k+ posts)
Missing Husband
Missing Husband
A woman went to police station to file a report for her missing husband:
Woman: I lost my husband
Inspector: What is his height
Woman: I never noticed
Inspector: Slim or healthy
Woman Not slim can be healthy
Inspector: Color of eyes
Woman: Never noticed
Inspector: Color of hair
Woman: Should be black
Inspector: What was he wearing
Woman: I don't remember exactly
Inspector: Was somebody with him ?????????
Woman: Yes my Labrador dog (Romeo), tied with a golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy, blue eyes, blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail is slightly broken, he never barks, wearing a golden belt studded with blue balls, he likes non-veg food, we eat together, we jog together.
The woman started crying
Inspector: Let's search for the dog first!!!!!!! !!!!!!
A woman went to police station to file a report for her missing husband:
Woman: I lost my husband
Inspector: What is his height
Woman: I never noticed
Inspector: Slim or healthy
Woman Not slim can be healthy
Inspector: Color of eyes
Woman: Never noticed
Inspector: Color of hair
Woman: Should be black
Inspector: What was he wearing
Woman: I don't remember exactly
Inspector: Was somebody with him ?????????
Woman: Yes my Labrador dog (Romeo), tied with a golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy, blue eyes, blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail is slightly broken, he never barks, wearing a golden belt studded with blue balls, he likes non-veg food, we eat together, we jog together.
The woman started crying
Inspector: Let's search for the dog first!!!!!!! !!!!!!
